What should I put in the ceiling?
Mock exams are all over and they’re probably the best mock exams I’ve ever sat. However today I’d like to talk about a rather funny trend going on in my college’s common room, where we bum around in-between classes.Before I start I’d like to share a short paraphrased story from another person who paraphrased it from the original. Or something.
Some Brits might’ve heard of the Fencemaster. He’s your average Brit, lives in London, late thirties, and an office worker who cycles to work each day. He’d chain his bike against a fence near his workplace every day. It has to be said that this fence was probably the most dull, unimaginative fence possible. Facing a dumpster and behind that a blank building wall, not in anyone’s line of sight, and his bike was the only thing that decided to chain itself every day to it. During the tube strike it was obviously quite trendy to sue to upcoming new popular form of transport – bicycles, and our hero was miffed to be confronted one morning by a sign affixed to the fence stating clearly "Howard De Walden Estates Limited. Bicycles found parked against or chained to these railings will be removed without further notice".
Obviously directed at our hero and being the classic Brit, he took the sign literally and that night calmly drilled two holes in an old kettle and the next day padlocked it to the fence. This attracted tourists and also being classic tourists, they took pictures standing next to it. The Fencemaster wasn’t through – he then attached a steam iron, then a refrigerator door – and by this time others decided to join in. An ironing board was chained to the fence. Stuffed animals. Champagne flutes.
The fence in question now can barely be seen for all the objects that are attached to it. The police decided to pay him a visit but they were fans of the ordeal, suggesting "it might be a good idea not to attach things to the fence anymore", adding "we realise of course you can’t stop other people from attaching things to the fence". What’d he do? He created a website – whatshouldiputonthefence.com.
This happened quite a long time ago and the site can only now be accessed through the Internet Wayback Time Machine. However for the lazy here’s the fence in question.
Of course but that’s not what this post is really about :) – no, our common room has a rather bad ceiling that due to the leaky aircons have been reduced to little more than cardboard. There’s a charming hole in the ceiling and it’s forever having something stuffed inside it to stop spewing out water from the piping (fix it, you say? Nonsense). It’s had a Perspective magazine (not one of mine, thank goodness), leftover Christmas ornaments, RAM chips on a string, a massive union jack, LAN cables (all of the computers are broken, so we strip down the hardware), and the most delicate of paper cutouts stuffed into it. Here’s a picture of a (broken – the insides have been removed) computer mouse hanging from it.
So – what should I put in the ceiling?
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