Yes, I do think those are penises.

I’ve talked about bad food before, as well as trying my hands at cooking, but recently as I visited a friends house I knew something had come along to trump even my best of egg-poaching abilities. I was ushered into a room with a thin pot sitting on a table, cover closed, and his mum grinning widely at me. We all sat down to eat, and my friend took off the lid.

pasta1

Yes, I do think those are penises. Multicoloured pasta-shaped penises penis-shaped pasta. You know when you’re younger you enjoy playing with your food more than eating it? I think I relived a bit of that again. Needless to say it was time to analyse the anatomical correctness of the dish. Here’s a mind-blowing structure we assembled:

pasta2

… and because we’re much, much dirtier than penis pasta can justify, my friend opened up a second pot on the table – home to generous dollops of what seemed like thicker carbonara sauce. Needed to complete the picture, we immediately started reconstructing an operational model using naught but the tip of our forks and the pressure from our spoons. We also took the opportunity to redecorate our previous structure:

pasta3

I wonder what exactly is stopping the local minimart down the street from stocking products like these – or do they belong is specialised niche shops, “Erotic Pasta”? Obviously I don’t know enough about food to give you an answer, but I can tell you that despite whatever shape they turn pasta into, such as in the example above, it still tastes almost just like normal pasta if you close your eyes. Well, I did say almost.

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